My plan B is to think of a plan C as fast as I can

This one is much better!

The “kind of” is doing the heavy lifting here

Partially, but even written Afrikaans has much more loanwords from African languages and English, and words that evolved independently, compared to Flemish.

Edit: Playing round a bit more with the tool, Your point is proven. The distance between Dutch and Afrikaans is lower. Only 2. Yet that’s considered different languages.

That doesn’t make sense to me. I’m a native Dutch speaker, I have little issue understanding Flemish. Afrikaans is clearly closely related too, but definitely harder to understand.

The toxic stuff is what bacteria leave behind, and you can’t cook that out.

Farting while sitting on it would be my guess

It is known