it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.
The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.
It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.
I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other’s point of view before resuming the conversation. We don’t have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don’t see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I’ve also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.
I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I’m the only guilty party.
This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.
Maybe try writing a letter, among other things acknowledging that it was mostly your fault, since you are saying that here. Other than that, how to handle a meeting is something the other person has to be on board with, and if you try to set the terms, you are already trying to control them, which isn’t great. You may end up having to just back away for a while (like months or years) to let the feelings settle down.
Sometimes in legal or business negotiations, the participants use a chess clock (you could enlist a third person as a mediator to enforce the no interruption rule) so each person gets the same amount of speaking time. You talk while your side of the clock is running, then press the button to turn the floor over to the other person. But, that’s a much different type of situation that probably doesn’t transfer.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chess_clock
If you want to try the chess clock thing, there are tons of phone apps for it, so you don’t need a physical one. I installed “Simple Chess Clock” from f-droid.org (I’m a crappy amateur chess player) a while back and it seems fine.