it was bad, but we both agree we have to talk about it.

The conversation became a yelling match where neither listened to the other, we both started ranting about the other one and left the room.

It was, however, mostly my fault, something I want to acknowledge.

I was thinking about using pauses each time one feels offended or thinks is going to yell, so we both leave the room and calm down, pauses we can use to try to understand the other’s point of view before resuming the conversation. We don’t have to solve all our problems in one sitting, we could explain how we see a particular issue and if we don’t see an immediate solution, sleep on it, meet on another day to keep talking about it. I’ve also heard about using a talking pillow and not forgetting is not me against her, but we against the problem, but other than that I have no idea what to do.

I also plan to tell her I find some things she does extremely unfair because this is not a one sided apology where I’m the only guilty party.

This is a conversation to clear the air, to be sincere and to see if we still want to be friends.

  • sopularity_fax@sopuli.xyz
    3·
    2 days ago

    1. What you see/heard (focus on facts, not opinions or judgements)
    2. WHAT you felt (how your body and mind reacted in response)
    3. Thing you need/need to meet (basic needs but also core values like safety, peace, autonomy, authenticity, etc)
    4. What you would like them to do (what is something you can request they do or refrain from doing pursuant to helping you address that need)

    ✅Second NVC. Just buy an app that helps structure your script that it goes thru the procees fill in the blanks style kind of and it will give you a decent starting point if you like something a bit more interactive than the basic diagram above

    Maybe listen to a session or some NVC clips in action on Youtube to get a feel for it

    Invite them to use NVC (even let them use your app when its their turn) on something they need that maybe they feel like you’re not 100% on for them.

    If the friendship any relationship has the legs, they will be into it, if not they will likey feel like you’re not worth the trouble for them. Either way, its good because it seperates the wheat from the chaff in terms of who your actualy genuine relationships are with.

    Plan it out first, then text them step by step if they are open to engaging. I really like texting for these things because it gives everyone space to think and react or slow themselvesdown and be more conscious of how they are feeling and what their options are for responding and its easier to be grace-giving because its not face to face

    Keep in mind, nobody inherentlt has the obligation to tolerate anybody else who insists on stepping on their toes in any way, especially when its knowing and deliberate and repetitive. People should generally be given the benefit of the doubt at least once where they are given a chance to correct things before you start cutting them loose but you’re not obligated to compromise your safety so someone else can make you a boundaries testing punching bag or get their much needed primer in developing their greater emotional maturity.

    If something bothers you, it will never get better if you dont make it known to them that you need something different and that you will leave it to them with whatever request you formulate in response that resolves whatever the issue is