Look at his index fingers. He’s attempting to be subtle about it.

Assuming she has a good sense of humor, this should be an effective gambit for small mads. There is no cleverness gambit for big mads, trust me.

Looks a lot like not-so-subtle breast cupping. If you think that’s normal hand placement, you’re a huge creep.

That hand placement is pretty sus

At least he’s tried to make critical thinking techniques more well known and accessible. That’s more interesting to me than, I dunno, some linguistics PhD’s fantasy slop.

It was an enjoyable read, and your strawman characterization isn’t really accurate at all, except when lampooning one of Rowling’s poorly written characters. Most of the book was Harry facing the consequences of smugly oversimplifying conflicts.

Frequently, if not usually, renovating sufficiently old buildings is more expensive and difficult than new construction. Building codes and safety standards change a lot over the years.

Eh, did you finish it? That’s certainly how it starts, but that’s not really where it winds up.

That’ll be $9.95

It’s almost certainly just cheese with a little sodium citrate. It’s what helps keep melted cheese from splitting.

Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality? I think it clocks in at like half the length of the entire original series.

What a time to be alive

No, but there’s only a counter on one side of the range, the other side is the fridge which I’m moving anyway.

It’s a pretty small house, about 1000 sqft.

I mean I’d love a nice 48" unit, but I can’t imagine many options in my budget

Well, the current range is 30", but it only has a counter to one side, so I could go with any size. It’s just me and my wife though, so 48" is probably excessive for my use.

I’m saying people who use the term mansplain aren’t using it differently, they actually do believe the person talking to them is condescending.

Which brings us back to the “expert” angle which has been completely dropped. That’s the mechanism that lends legitimacy to the accusation of condescension. That’s what elevates a vague perception of condescension to an accurate assessment. Otherwise you’re just flinging sexist slurs based on your immediate personal vibes.

That’s the change in meaning.

being sexist condescending assholes seems to be more of a thing men do

Right, like being a relf-righteous martyr seems to be more of a thing women do, which is experienced by a large number of men. But that doesn’t make it right to characterize all women as doing it, or suggest that it’s unique to women, which the term “womencomplaining” implicitly does.

Women “mansplain”, men “womancomplain”. Only an obnoxious minority of men “mansplain”, only an obnoxious minority of women “womancomplain”. Those people are obnoxious. Focusing on their gender gets dangerous close to “13%” territory.

condes-plaining

I like that way more, actually. That might be a legitimate replacement which highlights the problem without being sexist.

I know this is anecdotal, but I haven’t seen or experienced the term being used inaccurately all that often.

Anecdotally, I have.

“You know, that’s terrible form, here’s how you do it the right way” versus “Hey, excuse me, I noticed your form isn’t safe and could lead to injury. Would you like some help?” I think both ways get the point across, one of them is a lot nicer than the other.

Agreed. But even the second is considered condescending by some.

I think you’re doing the same thing subconsciously

Uh, that is actually kinda condescending. I was fully conscious when I decided on my tone.

Now if someone finds what you’re saying offensive when you’re not trying to be offensive, then you can either rephrase yourself or accept that you won’t be able to effectively communicate with that person one-on-one.

And that’s the issue. Once person X has decided person Y is offensive, all appeals and rephrasings will be discarded as additional offenses. Sure, that’s no big loss in any individual case, but the more popular that trend becomes, the more people cut off from effective communication.

We agree that “mansplaining” means “When a man condescendingly explains a subject to a woman who is an expert in that subject, because he assumes being a woman makes her ignorant”.

I’m saying “condescendingly” is defined by intent, even subconscious.

You’re saying “condescendingly” is defined by perception, even inaccurate.

When I say it is being used differently, I’m talking about the shift from my definition of “condescendingly” to yours.

Although, there’s also the “who is an expert in that subject” modifier on “woman” that has definitely been dropped in contemporary usage as well.

Mansplaining is a real problem.

I get that, I do not disagree. My main complaints are:

1 With the term itself, because a la my “womancomplaining” analogy, it shifts the focus from “this man was being a sexist, condescending asshole” to “being a sexist condescending asshole is just a thing men do”

2 With the overuse which is used to broadly dismiss legitimate attempts at communication. It’s definitely a problem when random guys try to explain a woman’s specialty to her, not so much when an man with expertise tries to correct a woman who’s definitely wrong. The problem isn’t that this behavior is being called out when it happens, I’m totally fine with that (though the term itself is still sexist). The problem is that it’s being used to defect legitimate communication.

I believe that the way the message is perceived is more important than the intent of the message. My intent with this reply is to help you try to think and observe this issue more openly.

I appreciate that, but I’ve done that. I understand that it’s important to be empathetic, I try to myself whenever possible. But communication breaks down when you pander to everyone for the sake of the most sensitive perceiver. No one can control how someone else feels, and you can’t know who is going to feel what way. If everyone treated each other in the gentlest way possible no one could effectively communicate.

Conflict is necessary for improvement. You cannot progress without some disagreement with the current state. If someone is wrong, and no one wants to hurt their feelings by correcting them, they will continue being wrong. In another message, I used the example of a person about to lift weights with a terrible form that was sure to cause them avoidable injury. An expert onlooker holding their tongue for fear of seeming condescending spares the lifter the feeling of being talked down to, but replaces that with serious self-injury.

I don’t mean to be condescending, but I’m sure these same words may be condescending to some people.

This is a perfect illustration. You’ve been nothing but patient and gentle, you haven’t said anything condescending, but you’re still worried that I might think it is, even after I’ve shown clear objection to that kind of hypersensitivity. It’s infantilizing in its own way to treat everyone as if they can’t handle the slightest disagreement without being offended. The whole premise of moderating your communication to avoid offending the most sensitive perceiver grinds effective communication among equals to a halt.

Yes, and it’s a bad thing. That’s my point.

In her mind she views the man as being condescending. In her mind she believes she knows better. So she’s using the term correctly.

Now to be clear, I’m not saying it is mansplaining. Nor am I saying the man shouldn’t be doing it in that scenario.

That’s my point. It’s being used far too liberally. I’m not saying they don’t feel justified in using it, I’m saying that the standard being applied is far too low, and it shuts down legitimate communication. It has the built in defense of delegitimizing any attempts at clarification, because obviously the mansplainer is just mansplaining how he isn’t mansplaining.

To go back to my analogy:

Would you likewise agree that a man would be justified in accusing a woman, with an accurate and valid complaint, of womancomplaining simply because he felt she was exaggerating? And couldn’t he then go on to deflect any clarification she offers as further womancomplaining?

I’m not saying these people don’t feel like they’re using their terms correctly, I’m saying that it shuts down communication and accelerates the weaponization of accusation. It contributes to the gender divide, and has certainly helped to nudge men towards man-o-sphere radicalization.