And anxiety because you might need to do it again like Cleaning, laundry, etc and you know it will be the same cycle
Surprisingly, every-single-time I believe that I will for the rest of my life do the thing on time, incrementally and with no effort. Especially after a long cleaning effort. Sure, of course I will now always do a little bit every day, and the way the place looks now will be how I will always live …
With treatment, this is finally a reality. And just now I realise how ridiculous the idea was to do it like that before. My brain plans as if it were healthy, it’s really weird.
Self hatred because if you were just better it wouldn’t take 6 hours to clean a one bedroom apartment that you live in alone and are never even home in and if you didn’t suck so much it wouldn’t ever get dirty and need cleaned beyond a quick vacuum in the first place.
Might I recommend adding a cat or twelve? At least then you’ll have a good excuse for why it needs more cleaning!
I do actually have two, so the cat hair and litter tracked everywhere adds mess that is not my own! :)
The rest of you feel relief, and not just a wave of dread as the next task looms?
Usually both at the same time for me.
- Shame, for how mediocre it ended up being
I suffer so much from this. I have to hype myself up to finally do “the thing”, whatever it may be, and then afterwards it’s just dread for the next time it has to happen. Hate myself for it.
A thing I have learnt is to remember to bask.
Factor in at least 10% of the time you took to just feel good about a task. That could be a hobby you achieved something in, or just doing the washing up. Give yourself time to get whatever dopamine hit you can. It creates a positive association, that improves your chances of doing better in the future.
I worked as a baker for a while years ago. The guy who trained me made that part of the training and I thought he was kind of weird for it. Like it was written into his schedule that he gave me for time frames. “4:45 take Sourdough out of oven, 5:00 Take bagels out of oven, 5:15 admire your work”. I thought it was silly at first but it really does help you to appreciate the effort you put in.
When I finally have a day where I get all the house chores done, basking is the end goal of it.
Nothing is better to me, than basking in a freshly clean home. Bare feet on clean floors, lighting the candle when Im done, and just enjoying the delightful place I’ve cleaned and made pretty.
Trying to teach my severly adhd son about basking. He’s not getting it yet, but my god a job well done deserves a moment. Appreciate yourself!
Factor in at least 10% of the time you took […]
This is beyond my current executive functioning capabilities.
It doesn’t have to be at once. Something that took 2 weeks of effort can be bragged about for a day or more (spread out over time and conversations), without feeling like you’ve gone too far. Half an hour doing the dishes, give yourself a few minutes to be proud of the results.
Your monkey brain will quickly make the associations, and start giving you dopamine hits in response.
Well, is this a specific adhd thing?
I think getting dopamine from starting new things, but no reward for finishing things is one of the main adhd things.
Ohkay… Im in therapie for depression, maybe i have to adress this, thanks
Could be, though depression can also give anhedonia. That’s a feeling/state where you do not feel or nothing feels pleasurable/good
Anhedonia is exactly my diagnosis right now, spot on :)
Absolutely do it. It’s unfortunately common to be diagnosed with depression because of undiagnosed ADHD. You’ve been told your lazy and unorganized your whole life and everything you’ve tried to change this didn’t help because your brain is just wired differently? No wonder you get depressed.
Please, friends, practice forgiveness. It makes it all easier. Forgive yourself. Just because you can conceive of better doesn’t mean you can do better at that moment.
Careful though, because you can eventually begin to just not give a shit about anything anymore…
“Ugh, I should do the thing. Oh well, I’ll just forgive myself later” lol
Maybe doing things is overrated. Maybe society needs to chill and stop giving us stuff to do (e.g. 1000 different confusingly worded tax documents).
I feel like for me it forgot:
- Rage because it was 10x easier than I thought and I needlessly wasted more time worrying about it than actually doing it.
- Rage because I realize that the other things I am putting off doing are probably easier than I think as well, but this realization won’t make me stop putting them off anyways.
Edit: spelling
Adhd is at its heart thought to be an irregularity in those kinds of good chemicals. You don’t get the same kind of satisfaction as a non adhd’er. It’s why a lot of us jump between different hobbies because the initial learning is much easier so you can get a concentrated set of quick doses of those good chemicals.
You know what I hate though? When I finally decide to do the thing and the simple 10 minute thing turns into a whole debacle because something keeps going wrong on every step or because you forgot half the shit you needed to do the thing
Oh goodness this. The simple job turns into: 40 minutes of looking for tools, parts, etc. that were needed to do the job. Trips to the store to acquire things you didn’t know you’d need to complete the job, or replace things you’re quite sure you had but can’t find. Discover that the simple thing you’d planned doesn’t quite fit how you’d expected and you have to expend extra effort to try to rig it to work (because you took to long to start the job it’s well past any return window) or worse yet, have to go buy yet another thing that will actually work like it’s supposed to.
A ten minute job is now the better part of the day, costs more, and became far more frustrating than it ever should have been. Thanks, adhd…
Don’t forget the dread of having to do all the other things that piled up while you were procrastinating on this one!
…makes me worry I’m not just autistic. Cause I almost never feel happy finishing something hard, just fucking fury at myself at taking so long.
It’s not unheard of. The genetic factors for several types of conditions can overlap. Not a guarantee, and everyone is different, but… 🌈💫
The more I know, yes yes yes!
I’d like one normal brain and nervous system now! We can all share it. I need it on Fridays though.
I have discovered that, even after I do HUGE tasks that improve my life day-to-day, I can’t even get a sense of accomplishment from it. It just immediately becomes the new normal in my brain, the state that things have always been, and I immediately begin chastising myself for not doing more or for letting other problems linger so long.
I just want the brain to give me the good chemicals.
Anyone else get depressed after finishing something? Like sad that its over and there is nothing to hyper focus on any more.
