Yeah, in the most pedantic sense, the correct answer is “a”, for “Louisiana”

You find yourself suddenly 3 meters up in the air, which is sufficient to change your personal gravitational acceleration by 0.00001 m/s^2. As you can imagine, it is not fun to fall 3 meters. You do anyway. (Alternatively, the mass of every human-made object on the planet gets deleted into the ether, reducing the total mass of earth, but that’s not the simplest solution)

That is, canonically, almost exactly what Saruman’s robes are supposed to look like:

“I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all colours…” - Gandalf the Grey, The Fellowship of the Ring

Iridescent like an opal.

Nice

Yes, unlimited access to universal truth, with error reporting, but I’ve read enough monkey’s paws to know how this goes.

Fair. I would argue that “many people going insane” would be covered under the sacrifice clause, but hey, this seems like the best of all possible outcomes from mucking about with reality.

One of the best shows in the history of television.

I’d like to be granted the ability to, at any time and without limitation on scope, number, or length, ask the universe questions (asked in the dialect of modern english in which I am fluent without requiring specific location, action or other ritual) and know the answers to those questions, but with the following stipulations:

• that all answers are to be formatted and delivered in such a way that I understand them, without any changes or consequences that my current self (as of the writing of this statement, in my current condition) would consider a significant change to my physical and mental stability, and without requiring more than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline) to understand in fullness, and being delivered in a timeframe of less than 3600 metric seconds (relative to my worldline).
• that any redactions due to such stability concerns as in the prior stipulations are to be formatted and delivered as part of the reformatted answer
• that any answer which is inherently unknowable returns an explanation for why it is unknowable, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
• that no answers pursuant to the ability lead to circular logic
• that this ability, its answers and enabling factors shall not require a sacrifice which my current self (as described above under my current circumstances when informed of the context of the sacrifice in plain English communication) would not think reasonable.
• that if such a sacrifice is required, an explanation of the requisite sacrifice and the factors requiring it be returned to me, formatted as an answer pursuant to the prior stipulations
• that I am to be able to choose to transfer any of these answers to another individual of any species, and that the individual be able to understand the answers, so long as the prior stipulations on sacrifice and physical and mental stability are satisfied both for myself and the secondary individual.

Is that still from Life After People?

Well, let me know if you’ve got any trouble. Oh, and do you have an HP? Those things SUCK at installing Linux. One of those things you have to find out from trying to install it on three separate HP devices.

I recently switched, and would be happy to give whatever rudimentary pointers I can. I’ve found that Linux mint is the best option for me. You can also easily flash it onto a USB and try it out to confirm compatibility.

The biggest things are these:

1. you have to make sure to backup anything you want, because the installation wipes the hard drive.
2. you must (usually) completely erase the windows partition, since the windows updater will usually bork the Linux install the moment you try to boot windows.
3. you should turn off SecureBoot and bitlocker before you attempt an installation.
4. rather than dual-booting windows with Linux, it is comparatively simple to set up a Virtual Machine running windows inside Linux.
5. if you’re getting really serious about privacy, you’re going to have a TON of services that you may be unable to access, because they are full of trackers and spyware. Baby steps are recommended before trying to make a clean break from all telemetry, tracking and spyware.if you use an android, try installing TrackerControl from f-droid (or, for one that doesn’t break as much stuff, Duckduckgo’s app tracking protection) and enable it. You’ll begin to see just how many calls to add, data brokers, telemetry, and other shit gets caught, and DDG doesn’t even touch all the google spyware.

Since some people are apparently rather salty about these being cross-eyed, despite the fact that that’s just how NASA made them, here, special for y’all, a selection: